Happy Father’s day….Atyets..

18Jun11

The word means Papa in Russian. I was about 6 years old when my sister told me about this word and somehow I took a liking to it over the conventional Pa, Papa or Pappa. For me it somehow brought out beautifully the devotional flavor as well as the love which this figure inspires in most of us.

As this father’s day approaches, I cannot think of any better way to express my gratitude towards this giant in my life. Atyets… this one is for you… and hopefully for all other Papas in the world… I love you!!

As I have known you

As a toddler, if i could.. I would have known you
as the big shadow which accompanied my fledgling steps,
as the sure tug at my shoudlers after every fall which prompted me to get up,
as the spoon which used to wait patiently for me to gulp the small bites,
as the hand which was the discipline, support and cradle for a comfy night’s sleep,
and as the figure to get close to which, i learnt to walk…

As a kid, I knew you
as the strongest amongst all,
as the only one who could make me cope with maths,
as the one whose scooter was too tall for me,
as the one whose shoes, coats and ties were ‘the thing”
as the solid hand at the back of my bicyle,
and as the call which was to be answered at once..

As a teenager, i knew you
as the one who did not understand me, and as time has proven…the one who did.
as the eye which had a sharper focus on my career than i did,
as the sage who knew how much ego and how much fun was enough,
as the stare which told me both my limits and my limitlessness,
and as the first known taste of honor and pride.

As a man today, I know you
as the one i want to emulate every day of my life,
as the sounding board of my fears, failures, pains, struggles and successes,
as the voice which tells me that this is the time to step up,
as the voice which guides me to the next high,
and as the only one who can teach me..how to be you to my kids..

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May I

27Apr11

May i put a smear on the sun?
so that i can stop the moon from feeling bad,
about the smears which disgrace his facade…

May i stop the stars from twinkling?
so the kids stop singing their paeans,
and start singing about the twinkle in their mother’s eyes…

May i ban the fair skinned from putting up a display?
so that the dusky beauties can come out of the dark,
and set a trend of making fair the new dark…

May i stop the wombs with girls from getting pierced?
so that the boys dont eat up all the candies,
and the fathers stop shirking their responsibilities…

May i change the way this world has played itself out?
so that the oppressed rub shoulders with the oppressors,
and for a change.. the oppressed are nowhere to be found…

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Remember the Titans, Indian Mythology and Heroes

06Dec09

Its been a long time since i felt like writing after watching a movie, the last time was when i saw “love actually” . So, for a lazy Sunday morning i chose to watch remember the titans over ninja assassins and boy was i glad. This movie gave me a good number of goose bumps inspite of me not being an American and not being a follower of American football. The movie revolves around a High school football team at a time when racial tolerance was at an all time low and a Black coach is picked up to train a till then “all whites” high school football side. Denzel Washington as coach Boone puts in a sincere and hard hitting performance and stands shoulders above the entire cast of the film. Please watch the movie if you liked Chak De India and Lagaan. but thats about it for the movie, i want to talk about some more things:
The way he sets about putting people and things in order as a coach makes me wonder about how such an approach could make a difference in the land of eternal chaos which is India. Another thing which i noticed when coach Boone talks to his team about the Greek mythology and the TITANS was how Indian mythology never talks about teams. Of course there is the “Vanara Sena- the Monkey Brigade” which helped lord Rama in the epic battle, but still… there are no teams which inspire awe in a team effort sort of manner.. they also have the Spartans.. we only have individual heroes like Shivaji, Rani Lakshmi Bai, Tantya Tope, Birsa munda, Lord Rama, Krishna and the list will go on.. but do we ever look up with awe to a team??

I guess we do, but in a very different manner in the sense that they are not mythical:
1) One such team which inspires awe in me is the NSG.. Akshardham and 26/11 has given us one such heroic team to look up to.. a special mention for Major Unnikrishnan and Gajendra Singh. Ii wonder why none of the Bollywood directors have explored this theme..
2) There is the Indian military which gave us the Kargill and Longewala memoirs to name a few- Captain Vikram Batra’s “Yeh Dil Mange More” war cry.. still resonates in our souls
3) The Gurkhas with their war cry of “Ki Ki So So Lhargyalo”(the gods will triumph”) are another legend of a martial team. The Chinese fear them.. and that says a lot about them keeping in mind that China had the upper hand in the 1962 war..

If we are mindfull enough to share their heroics with the next generation, we can ensure that our kids will have their own “Indian Titans” to look up to…

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things i have not done in the last one year

16Aug09

I happened to stumble upon my blog just to check on the number of hits it had registered in the last one year (it was more than India’s GDP growth..just remove the % sign) and i noticed that i had not written anything in the last one year.. and that got me thinking about what else i had not done in the last one year. I have set myself a traget of finding out at least 50 things i have not done in the last one year and later i will get into a gain-loss kind of evaluation… you need not read it at all.. basically i am writing this just because i havnt written anything for such a long time

1) I have not finished the book i strated writing 1.5 years back.
2) I have not visited Udaipur
3) I have not met my college group in Hyderabad.
4) I have not done anything for my MBA college
5) I have not done any Charity.
6) I have not gone out for sightseeing of any type.
7) I have still not learned swimming.
8) I have still not learned any dance form.
9) I have not Voted.
10) I have still not seen “Baazigar, Darr and DDLJ”
11) I have not written on my blog.
12) I have not gotten in touch with some of my very close friends.
13) I have not added any certifications to my resume.
14) I have not learned how to cook a decent meal.
15) I have not networked professionally.
16) I have not cut down on my BMI.
17) I have not joined a Gym.
18) I have not secured a promotion.
19) I have not bought a cruiser bike.
20) I have not bought a lazy boy.
21) I have not bunked a class.
22) I have not felt the pre examination jitters
23) I have not sworn at a friend (I miss you Nitin Prabhaker and Anshul Maheshwari)
24) I have not had a fight with a friend (where are you Parag?).
25) I have not engaged in a night long intellectual gossip (Sitashwa, lets meet up some day buddy)
26) I have not had non-vegetarian food (in-spite of being in Hyderabad)
27) I have not touched Alcohol.
28) I have not debated.
29) I have not laughed like a mad man.
30) I have not run/jogged.
31) I have not had a full body massage.
32) I have not asked a question and later felt really good about it (i mostly get questions these days)
33) I have not seen a sunrise or a sunset.
34) I have not gotten wet in rain.
35) I have not donated blood.
36) I have not written a poem, I have not felt like writing a poem (i dont know which one is worse).
37) I have not written a white paper.
38) I have not worked honestly on my life’s plan B.
39) I have not felt a creative overdrive.
40) I have not cuddled a puppy.
41) I have not given a penny to a beggar.
42) I have not given a lecture.
43) I have not celebrated Holi or Diwali or Dussehra.
44) I have not been to a disc.
45) I have not “just done it”.
46) I have not gotten a gas connection.
47) I have not seen a play (Roopa Ben, have you seen any?)
48) I have not paid a fine.
49) I have not bought a suit.
50) I have not thought about the things i have not done in the last one year.

That was quiet cathartic… i will be back with some more soon.. when i need soem more satiation.

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The monsters of past

06Jun08

Hard as i may try to ignore it,
this beast finds me out and stares down at me,
it was born of me, and i feed it daily..
when i try to be wise in retrospection.

It was not there when I was me,
it was born when I tried to be some other soul,
It is bigger and better than what I have ever been,
It intimidates me, like a shoe does a sole.

Can i ever grow out of this shadow i cast?
can i see this monster in the eye and be sure,
can i ever see a future without this past?
can i ever be me, be me without being last…

I can’t be alone in this quest for sure,
those who read me cant be so pure..
do’nt you yearn for re-living the past?
do’nt you yearn… for that teeny bit more?

as i leave this prose abrupt…. i wake thee up to the prose of life,
tuned to your liking to the extent of being rife…
how often do you wake up to the truth that is you?
how often do you cut, the past with a knife?

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Lets not be lonely

01Jun08

We are trying not to be lonely

I see these smiling faces and I say hi!!
To the unknown faces I try and give a smile,
In the mail box a seek a stranger’s mail,
Every smile that I get lights up many a miles.

I was a loner till I saw my friends in bliss,
No way, to this pleasure will I give a miss,
But then again, are there more souls out there,
More souls like me, waking up to this bliss..

All of us are looking out for this bliss I say
We will go an extra mile to make this bliss stay,
Looking out for that perfect soul mate to hit the spot,
For this bliss, every night we pray.

Am I trying to get friendly with strangers only?
Are we desperate to make this world homely?
I would not judge us by this urge of late..
At the end of the day..we are all trying not to be lonely..

The movie “Lucky You” was the inspiration for this poem. Eric Bana has given life to a character which i can easily identify with

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Love Actually….. Jolly good movie eh?

26Jan08

For people with a pathetically comatose social life…like mine… weekends are a boringly mundane affair. Saturday mornings are non existant because i sleep through them. Saturday afternoons are spent sleepin after a atrociously heavy brunch… and its actually in the evening that i wake up to the fact that i am whiling away a WEEKEND… so i go out and grab some movies..You might be tempted to pity my existance… Naah!! not this Saturday evening..

I was lucky enough to lay my hands on ‘Love Actually’, and at 3 am, when the movie got over… i felt energized enough to write this blog. The movie is simple and yet it manages to make you smile, cry, laugh and sometimes squirm… I say squirm because there are moments in the movie where you might be reminded of your own emotional incompetence/actionlessness; and knowing (now) that it was not the best thing to do (then)..something inside you will scream out to the characters to snap out of this state of … inertia.. and do something sensible.

The good part is that,the characters…all of them..get a second chance to do the sensible thing…and they do the sensible thing. Its such a relief to see people do the right thing after having done the wrong thing..and come out smiling.

Of course its just a movie, and yes i have learnt that real life is not so charitable as to give you a second chance everytime, but still.. it gives a vicarious pleasure to see people falling in love actually.

If you have not seen it, i would strongly recommend this movie to you, especially if you think that you have been guilty of inertia at some moment in your past and have not been given a second chance….yet.

Coming to the scenes, my personal favorite is the scene between Juliet and Mark.. the story has been taken to a very mature culmination.. great job Mr Curtis.

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I am Back… just for this hour :)

11Jan08

लकीरें

ख्वाबों की वीरान् चॉक्.
उस् चॉक् पे एक् तन्हा खङे तन्हाई के दरख्त् पे, तक़्दीर् की टेहनियो से जुदा होते हैं कुछ् अरमानों के पत्ते.
उस् वीरान् चॉक् पे फ़िर् एक् बार्, एक् टूटी टेहनि से, दरख्त् के पास् की मिट्टि पे,
कुछ् लकीरें दर्ज् करने कि चाह् उठ्ती है मन् में.

पिछ्ले सालों की दर्ज् सब् लकीरें, कुछ् लम्बी, कुछ् टेढी, कुछ् कश्-म-कश् की मार् से लचकी हुइं,
कुछ् हलकी कुछ् गेहरी..सब् की सब्.. असलियत् की बे-रहम् हवाओं के साथ् उड् चुकी हैं.
हाथ् में थमी तद्-बीर् की टूटी टेहनी से खयालों कि लचकदार् कलाई के सहारे; जब् मिट्टी को तराशा जायेगा,
तब् कुछ् मुस्कुरती, कुछ् डगमगाती, कुछ् शरमाई हुई ऑर् कुछ् बड्-बोली लकीरें बह निकलेंगी.

कभी सोचता हुं कि हर् बार् के इस् खेल् के खिलाङियों के साथ थोङी सान्ठ गान्ठ कर लूं.
हवाओं को क्या चाहिये? उन के ज़ोर् से डोलते, काम्पते ऑर लड्खडाते कुछ् किरदार् ही तो..
शायद इतना काफ़ी होगा उनके गुरूर् के खाली कूएं को पाट्ने के लिये?
मैं दूंगा यह् सब, मैं खुद को सुपुर्द करुंगा इन हवाओं के.
शर्त बस इतनी होगी कि वो मेरी लकीरों कि तरफ़ रुख़् न करें…

बङी शर्त् है ना? है तो सही, पर अगर इस् एक् तरफ़ा सुलह के बावजूद यह हवाएं अपनी बद् मिज़ाजी जारी रखेंगी,
तो फ़िर् मेरे पास् कोई चारा नहीं रहेगा.
तो क्या और लकीरें दर्ज नहीं होंगी?… होंगी ना, लकीरें दर्ज होंगी,
लेकिन् रिश्तों की उथली मिट्टी पे नहीं, यह् लकीरें दर्ज होंगी तन्हाई के दरख्त पे, यकीन कि धार् से.
फ़िर् देखता हुं, इस् दरख्त को कैसे गिराती हैं यह् हवाएं.

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My last post for a long time to come

16Dec07

Something within me has given up, i have felt like writing so many things and while in the middle of the piece…i have deleted everything…. just because i could not feel what i was writing. and this has been going on for a long time now..so i have decided to end it for now… will write again when i “feel” it.

By the way, wanted to part for now with a few thoughts which have been haunting me for a week now..the culprit is the song “Baavra man” from Hazaaron Khwahishein aisi…

I have been a very forward looking person(???)..so much so that i have generally neglected the present, all the while dreaming of what lies just outside my reach.. and that is why i felt like writing about this song… even without the music..the lyrics make perfect and somehow poignant sense to me… i guess the dreamers out there will agree..

Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bavre Se Mann, Ki Dekho Bavri Hain Baatein
Bavri Se Dhadkaane Hain, Bavri Hain Saansen
Bavri Si Karwaton Se, Nindiya Door Bhaage
Bavre Se Nain Chaahe, Bavre Jharokhon Se, Bavre Nazaron Ko Takna.

Bavre Se Is Jahan Main Bavra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavre Se Pair Chahen, Bavre Tarano Ke, Bavre Se Bol Pe Thirakna.

Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna
Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Low Ho Maddham, Bavri Madhoshiyan
Bavra Ek Ghooghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye, Bavre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana.

Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

happy new year and happy christmas to all… will write again when i am done with my dreaming

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When mom n pop would be our babies…

09Nov07

Been a looong time since i wrote something. Been a a long time since i felt like writing something. When i woke today, CRASH was being shown on Star Movies. There are sequences in the movie where the vulnerability of aged parents is shown.. parents who are suffering.. physicaly.. mentaly.. and their grown up kids are trying to become parents to them.

For a brief moment, i tried to visualize myself in that position..the position of one such grown up kid.. and i was overcome with emotions. As kids we all long to grow up… we do not see what responsibilities life would throw at us once we ARE grown ups.. For most of us, our parents are our Heroes… imagine for a moment these heroes turning into absolutely vulnerable souls..

Its tough …right? yes it is. What is tougher..is that most of us would have our own kids to take care of by the time our parents grow up to be our kids..

Some of us would take it well…with some internal struggles and pains.. some others would struggle with the pain perennially.. and that, I guess is the nature of the riddle called life… we continue looking at the horizon, some times oblivious to the responsibilities which life will throw at us.. all the time hoping that it would be good…at least better than what we have.

Interesting thought here: All of us are born with our kids .. so the enitre life cycle can be summed up as Birth- Kidhood – Adulthood – Parenthood – Kidhood – Tata Bye Bye

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